


Purple BMWs and Other Failed Sugar Daddy Attempts

by tuesday



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-06 07:50:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20503427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesday/pseuds/tuesday
Summary: Rhodey would like to state for the record that he never asked for this.





	Purple BMWs and Other Failed Sugar Daddy Attempts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Meatball42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meatball42/gifts).

> Guess who finally did the math now that we have both birth dates to figure out the exact time Rhodey and Tony would've overlapped at MIT? Most likely is Rhodey's freshman year was Tony's senior year, assuming Rhodey didn't start early. Luckily for the early part of this story, we can say Tony went back for grad school.
> 
> Heads up that there are references to DADT in this, as well as some of Tony's sleazy pre-Iron Man behavior.
> 
> Thanks to Gammarad for the beta!

Rhodey would like to state for the record that he never asked for this. When he became friends with Tony Stark, it had nothing to do with the fact that Tony was loaded. Rhodey didn't care about that. He had a full ride to MIT, and while his family wasn't multi-millionaire rich, they did all right. Rhodey hung out with Tony for a number of reasons—initially there was a bit of pity, sympathy, and amusement, followed by genuine affection for Tony as a person. At no point did he hope that Tony would buy him things. 

Rhodey paid his own way when they first started hanging out. He wanted to keep paying his own way.

"I pay for everyone I spend time with," Tony protested. "And it was my idea to come in the first place."

"So if I let you buy dinner tonight, you'll let me get the next one," Rhodey said doubtfully.

"Maybe I'll let you buy breakfast," Tony said and put his hand on Rhodey's knee. Rhodey removed it.

"This dinner only, and next time, we're getting pizza on my dime."

"You're so decisive," Tony said with a grin. "I appreciate that in a man."

"You can go on appreciating it," Rhodey said, amused despite himself, "so long as you keep your hands to yourself."

Tony was handsy and an indiscriminate flirt. It was part of who he was. He flirted with everyone he came across. It didn't mean anything. 

"I'll be good," Tony said, a blatant lie. "Now, order whatever you like. We can get the whole menu."

Rhodey laughed. "I don't care if you're buying. I can't eat that much food. I'm getting a cheeseburger."

They both ordered cheeseburgers. They discussed Dr. Tanaka's latest guest lecture. They split a piece of chocolate cake as Tony shared the progress he'd made on his robot.

When they were done, Tony said, "You should come to New York for winter break. I'll pay for your plane ticket. You can schmooze with my dad's military friends, get a leg up before you graduate."

"I'm going home to my family," Rhodey said. He patted Tony on the shoulder. "You don't always have to buy friends. I promise, I like you anyway."

Tony blinked a couple times. His eyes gleamed in the low light of the restaurant. "Yeah, sure, you like me now. But how long's that going to last?" He looked like he regretted it as soon as he said it. More brightly, "Yeah, go home. Enjoy family time. Maybe I'll come up with something else as a Christmas gift."

There were a lot of things Rhodey could've said to that. He settled for putting a hand in Tony's hair and messing it up in a combination of noogie and head pat. "Only if you accept one from me, too. We'll put a twenty dollar limit on it."

—

Tony let Rhodey pay for their pepperoni pizza the next time, but he didn't keep to the twenty dollar limit. Rhodey came back from winter break to Tony leaning against a bright purple BMW and a beaming smile. 

Rhodey had a snowglobe with two robots making a snowman in a carefully wrapped box for Tony. Tony tossed him the keys to the BMW.

"The keychain was two bucks," Tony said.

Rhodey took the keychain off. It said "I ♥ NYC." He tossed the keys back. "Thank you for the lovely gift."

"You don't like the car," Tony said. He was frowning.

"I have a car." Rhodey put his dorm key and the key to his actual car on his brand new key chain. "And a BMW is worth way more than twenty bucks."

"Your car is a rustbucket that deserves to be put out of its misery." Tony waved his hands. "Really, you would be doing me a service as your friend by making sure that you don't catch on fire when that thing inevitably goes up in flames."

"You realize that if my car catches on fire, I now know exactly who to blame."

Tony pouted. "Don't you at least want to take it on a test drive?"

"You're returning it," Rhodey said.

"Oh, no, if you don't want it, I'm keeping it," Tony said. "But before this goes to live in my parents' garage, maybe you'd like to give it a spin."

Rhodey sighed. He held out his hand. "One drive."

"Yes!"

At the end of the drive—which was exactly as much fun as he knew it was going to be—Rhodey gave the keys back.

"But you like it." Tony looked confused.

"Yeah, I like it. But it's your car. I meant it. You don't need to buy my friendship, Tony. The key chain is enough." Rhodey slid out of the driver seat. "Now that I've gotten my gift, you should open yours."

Tony did. His face went blank. He swallowed.

"It's not a BMW, but I hope you like it," Rhodey said awkwardly. It was kind of cheesy and cheaply made. The letters at the base spelled out "FRIENDS FOREVER." Rhodey was rethinking his decision. Maybe he should've gotten Tony gloves and a scarf. Tony was always losing his.

Tony shook the globe. Quietly, he said, "I love it." 

—

As the years passed, Tony kept trying to buy Rhodey things with varying success. 

When Tony graduated at the end of '88, Rhodey thought that they'd keep in touch, stay friends—at least exchange Christmas cards. Tony came back for grad school and showed up at Rhodey's dorm room at the beginning of the fall academic period to say, "I got us an apartment. Stop unpacking, because you're moving. Your bedroom's bigger than this, and you won't have to share it."

"I'll come visit you at your place, but I'm not moving," Rhodey said. And he didn't. He kept most of his stuff at his dorm room, which he lived in. He just spent lots of time at Tony's place, too, and maybe slept on Tony's guest bed more than he ought to.

—

For Christmas that year, Tony wasn't going home. "Dad has a conference. Mom's going. It's going to be terribly boring. I'd rather stay here and throw a party. You're coming, right?"

"Or," Rhodey said slowly, rethinking his plans, "you could come home with me. My parents would love to meet you."

"Meeting the parents? So soon! And here I thought you were determined to take it slow." Tony bought them first class plane tickets.

"I was going to take the bus," Rhodey said.

"I'm not taking the bus," Tony said.

Rhodey paid him the cost of the bus ticket.

—

For Rhodey's 21st, Tony paid for a party, which Rhodey attended, alcohol, which Rhodey drank, and strippers, the arrival of which saw Rhodey's precipitous exit from the party.

"Everyone loves strippers!" Tony said. "Did I not get the right gender? Because I already paid them, but I can order new ones. Is it that I'm paying them to give you a personal birthday boy lap dance? Because I'm pretty sure I could find someone willing to do it for free. Hell, get a couple drinks in me, and _I'll_ do it. For you, we don't even need the drinks."

Rhodey ignored the automatic flirting with the ease of painful familiarity. "I'm more than happy to spend my birthday drinking surrounded by friends, but that—" Rhodey pointed at the closed apartment door. "—is not my scene."

"Get rid of the strippers." Tony nodded eagerly. "Check."

Tony got rid of them. He got rid of half the party. He put on a movie and curled up with Rhodey on his ugly brown leather couch.

"For the record," Tony said sleepily at the end of the night, "my 21st can have strippers."

"I'll buy you a beer," Rhodey said, pushing Tony's hair back out of his eyes.

"Also acceptable." Tony buried his face in Rhodey's shoulder and fell asleep.

—

For college graduation, Tony said, "What about a house? You'll need a place to live."

"No, Tony."

Rhodey didn't even know where he was going to end up anyway.

—

Several years after Tony took over Stark Industries, Rhodey was appointed liaison.

"You interfered with my career," Rhodey said with a calm he didn't feel.

"In my defense, they asked who I might get along with instead of drive into an early retirement." Tony waved a hand at Rhodey. "You've put up with me for years. It seemed like a safe bet."

"My career," Rhodey repeated.

"So that's a no on the celebratory champagne?" Tony asked.

Rhodey kept the position. It wasn't like the brass had given him a choice. And despite himself, Rhodey had missed getting to see Tony on a regular basis.

That didn't mean Rhodey wasn't going to make Tony work for his forgiveness.

_His career_.

—

"You know what would make this plane ride go faster?" Tony asked Rhodey.

"Please don't say strippers," Rhodey said.

"They prefer the term flight attendant," Tony said cheerfully, "but no: blowjobs."

"You didn't," Rhodey said, filled with a new horror.

"I could," Tony said, proving the situation was both better and worse than Rhodey had thought. "But right now, I'm offering on a more personal level, no intermediaries. Not a blowjob by proxy, just a blowjob."

"I'm in the Air Force," Rhodey said, not for the first time. "I'm on the clock. This, right here, right now? It's my job. You made this my job."

"If you don't ask, I won't tell," Tony promised.

"Absolutely not," Rhodey said.

"What about shots? We can do shots."

"We're not doing shots," Rhodey said.

They ended up doing shots. Rhodey would like to say he had less of them than Tony did.

He would, but it would be a lie.

"Don't ask, don't tell is bullshit," Tony said, face mashed into Rhodey's shoulder. "You should be able to get blowjobs from whoever you like."

"It is bullshit," Rhodey agreed, running his fingers through Tony's hair, "but I love my job."

"That almost sounds like you'd be open to the possibility," Tony said accusingly.

"You'll never know," Rhodey said serenely. He was entirely too drunk for this.

It was a good thing it was a long flight, because Rhodey had a lot of sobering up to do.

—

"You got DADT repealed," Rhodey said, waving the newspaper at Tony as he barged in the front door of his ridiculous, glitzy Malibu mansion. "You threw money and influence at it until it went away."

"What's the point of owning a few senators if you don't use it, right?" Tony said. He closed the door behind Rhodey.

"You know that's not the only reason that I haven't—that we haven't—"

"Yeah." Tony's smile was lopsided. "But you deserve to be happy with whoever you want."

Rhodey made a frustrated sound. He dropped the newspaper, pages fluttering across the foyer. He surged forward and pulled Tony into a kiss, hard and fierce and desperate to let him know that he was loved, even if Rhodey had never acted on it—even if Rhodey had never planned to act on it.

"Shit, honeydew," Tony said when Rhodey pulled back, a mildly concussed expression on his face. "If I'd known that that's all it took, I'd have started buying out politicians years ago."

Rhodey rolled his eyes. "Right. That's all it took."

Tony leaned forward, almost hesitant, and Rhodey met him in another kiss before saying, "I don't want to be another one of your one night stands, Tony."

Tony grinned, and Rhodey's heart lurched in his chest at the sheer delight in his eyes. "Good, because I've always wanted to keep you."

"I'm not going to be a kept man, either," Rhodey warned him.

"You're a strong independent man, got it." Tony cupped Rhodey's cheek and kissed him again and again. "But I _can_ buy you things now, right?"

"You say that like you've ever stopped trying." Rhodey nipped at Tony's lower lip, savoring the low groan he gave. "I'll think about it."

"At least let me take you on a really nice first date," Tony said.

"Only if I get to pay for the second one."

"Deal."

—

Rhodey had horrible suspicions for what Tony might deem a really nice first date, but they weren't borne out. Tony took him out for dinner. He said, "This is nostalgic, right? Order whatever you like. You can get the whole menu if you want."

"Oh," Rhodey said, a realization hitting him years late. "Oh, wow. That was supposed to be a date, wasn't it?"

"_This_ is a date," Tony said, but that squirrelly look on his face said it all. He knew exactly what Rhodey was talking about.

"Yeah." Rhodey put his hand over Tony's. He knocked their ankles together. "This is a date."

—

Tony bought dinner, but in the morning, Rhodey took care of breakfast.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Purple BMWs and Other Failed Sugar Daddy Attempts](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25002646) by [sisi_rambles](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sisi_rambles/pseuds/sisi_rambles)


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